Integrity

Lately, I have been thinking about those times where, I get depressed or down. I call it a funk. Someone asks me, why didn't we see you this weekend or whatsoever, I simply reply, " I was in a funk."

For a long time, I really didn't know where this came from. sometimes it would seem things were going great and then out of nowhere, this dark cloud would descend and I would deal with some dark feelings and have to work my way through it, usually alone. I was taught very young you do not let others see your feelings. In fact this is what intimacy means, "allowing others to see you, the real you...warts and all! So is it any wonder, Why I have difficulty with intimacy? But I will save that for another future post.

However, of late I have begun to see where this comes from. Whenever, I feel like I have failed, myself, God or others....this dark cloud comes in.

This negative feeling, that I hate is actually a healing opportunity. If I do what I don't want to do, but embrace and go into this feeling to find out the why, I can find healing. I do not have to do this alone however. God will walk with me. Sometimes God uses others to walk with you into What Debbie Ford calls the shadow. It is in the shadow that we find the demons in our life and it is here that we can defeat them through healing. Forgive me, for this geeky analogy but I am reminded of Luke Skywalker going into the cave to face his own demons. It is here he faces his Father issues head on.

I shares in my last post the idea shared by Jane Fonda about how we are meant to be perfect, but rather we are meant to be whole. Wholeness is a state of being that is found in God. It is a state of completeness and healing. Tis is also the idea behind integrity. Integrity means to be whole or true. When we are true to ourselves, to the best and our highest self, we are walking in Integrity. When we deny ourself what we know is true and best for ourselves we are not walking in Integrity. This is when this dark cloud seems to descend on me. There are things that I desire for myself that God has placed in my heart. You might say that they are God's Will for me: health, success, Love, relationships, spirituality, Security, purpose, peace and contentment, significance, acceptance, etc.....and whenever my choices or actions are contrary to what is best for me, I may feel guilt, shame, fear. there are many emotions that my funk may take, however the bottom line is not that I should stay there, but I should recognize these feelings as a "dash board" warning light that I am off track. It is that annoying GPS voice saying....time to "Recalculate"....and get back on course, get back to being true to yourself and God's purposes for your life....get back to walking in Integrity.

Recently, I have this "check engine light" in relation to some relationships in my life. It is a message that not all friendships, or relationships are what is best for my purpose. In fact if I am going to be true to myself and myGod given journey, these relationships are detrimental and unhealthy. They may serve an immediate need or gratification for my ego but they are not what is best. Also this applies to a behavior as well. If I choose a behavior or action that is not for my best, than I am not walking in integrity.

I have found that when I am true to myself, when I am not true to my higher purpose, or allowing it to flow in my life, this is when the funk appears. The funk should not be a source of guilt one shame but rather an call to refocus, reconnect,realign to what is important. This should bring about a time of taking inventory and resetting the course, a course adjustment if you will.

God is faithful and committed to us, and if simply " have ears to hear" ( listen for that voice ) God will lead us to healing, wholeness and the life of Abundance that Christ came to give each one. God has no favorites, everyone of us is God's favorite,yes even you!

Find your true path and remain true to it. This is walking in Integrity!





- Posted by a fellow sojourner from his mobile office